by Nicole Marissa
Have you ever met someone that you just clicked with? Your humor is complementary, you have a similar background and you make great friends. You find yourself wondering what it would be like to move into a relationship that’s romantic.
Recently, I’ve want to put up a no cell phone sign on the BART Trains. Don’t get me wrong, lady reading the NYT and dude playing bubble pop saga are cool, but it’s the other BART passengers who need a lesson in public transit etiquette.
We all do it! We attempt to neatly compartmentalized our lives into neat categories or boxes, if you will. Continue reading
It was the day before O’s surgery, she was particularly needy. I had only intended to get her new cozy pajamas. But she’d decided to ask me for everything in the store. And come dangerously close to throwing herself on the floor and pounding her tiny fists into the ground because I said no, a lot. So I told her it was time to go.
A young lady motioned me into her open line. I smiled and told O let’s go. O was up to her usual shenanigans touching everything on the impulse buy aisle asking for it. I explained she could have at least 5 things because she bought quite a few things already. I don’t know if it was my explanations or kind voice or what but the store cashier smile. She said, “I like your parenting style. ” I smiled widely and said, “Thank you.”
This small act of kindness made me smile and feel proud that I can be a good mom. Even a mom some people admire. So thank you Target clerk. I’ll never forget your praise of my parenting style. It meant so much to me.
I thank God that I was allowed to become a mother. Without becoming a mother, Mother’s Day would have been another greeting card holiday that pissed me off.
I should explain. Until I was blessed with my miracle baby, I struggled with infertility (PCOS), loss of pregnancy and HPV. After being treated for precancerous cells on my cervix, I was pretty sure my chances of becoming a mother were shot.
You just never know what God has planned for you. I worked hard for the years prior to O joining me in the world to be a role model, mentor and good godmother/aunt. And I love each and every child like they were my own. I don’t think it was possible to love them more. And it was incredibly rewarding. In fact, I probably wouldn’t change much about the pre-O days.
But the last three years have been the toughest and best years of my life. My daughter lights up my world in ways I didn’t think possible. There is even joy in her epic tantrums. I try to laugh when I want to cry from frustration.
What I have really learned is that motherhood is about hard work and dedication. Mother’s who choose to love tirelessly are amazing. There is no way to thank mothers enough for all that they do.
Like the man at the street fair told me: “Cherish the time that you have with your mom.” He was fighting back tears as he remembered his mom he lost to Alzheimer’s last year.
So I am going to try to cherish my time as a mom. Through the good and the bad. Being a mom is the best job I was blessed to have.
I went to see him. I had sworn him off but something about him always draws me back. Maybe it’s his laid back approach to life, his unconditional love for his daughter or his confidence but it’s something.
“It’s not fair”, you’ll eventually declare one day when things don’t go your way. And you’ll hear me say. “Life isn’t fair, sweetheart.” You’ll go away mad and convinced that I’m only saying that to hurt you. But how can I blame you? Our sense of right, wrong and fair is very balanced throughout childhood.
These days, I want to scream, “It’s not fair” more often than not. My heart aches because there are too many mothers burying the sons, wives morning the husbands and raising their kids alone and children who are now fatherless. All of this due to violence. And not street violence, but the violence of individuals sworn to protect us. And because the images of people who look like us are violent and show our humanity in the worst light.
What I fear most is that our humanity has been damaged in recent years. Our country is engaged in civil unrest and intolerance, much like it was in before and during the civil rights movement. Many of us still back and watch as the racial divide grows wider. The learned tolerant behavior has given way to our biases.
The riots in Oakland, Ferguson and Baltimore highlight our flaws. This is what happens when the voiceless attempt to gain power because their frustrations have boiled over. There are people have forgotten that those men killed by police officers have families. They have forgotten that there were people who loved them because it is easier to call them thugs and criminals. By doing so, makes it easier to dismiss the actions of the police force as self-defense or protection of the public good. Dehumanizing humans is a tactic that has worked effectively throughout human history. But sometimes, baby, the police are just wrong. Our system is not only flawed but broken. It penalizes people for the color of their skin and the biases deeply ingrained in our society.
I write this believing that human goodness still exists. I still believe that there are good members of the police force. My sincerest hope is that this time our country gets it right. That we are able to rid ourselves of the dehumanization of others. That we can teach those who protect and serve to do just that. I hope that you, my love, will never remember this time in history as something you lived through, but something that was part of history that you and your generation choose not to repeat.
I’ll be the first to admit that I had no idea you could use Google Images to find out if someone’s profile pic was fake. Now, it’s the second thing I do when someone responds to my dating profile.
Single. Mommy. Fabulous 