In my 20s and 30s, I had lots of breakups in November and early December leaving me to postulate that men didn’t want to buy me a present

Now in my 40s, there is a boomerang effect around the holidays. Exes drag themselves out of their hiding places to reappear right as the holidays kick in. In the last few weeks, I have had contact with at least four of my exes. One of which included a message that he’d be back in California for work and was hoping to see me when he made it through the Bay.

All of this is all well and good, but has to seen for what it is. Nostalgia and loneliness we feel at the holidays. This rational yearning to share a cup of cocoa fireside with a significant other.

Many people will say look toward the future and ignore the past but I a gonna give you 4 simple tips to avoid getting caught up in the Boomerang Effect.

1. Did you break up on good terms? Inviting people back into our lives that were toxic or sucked out our life force should be avoid despite their “new leaf” lifestyle. Forgiveness is good. Forgetting can be problematic.
2. Is your desire to see them fueled by a genuine feeling it would be good to see them or a way to pass time or stave off loneliness? If you answered anything about loneliness, it should be a hard pass.
3. Is your ex currently in a relationship or married to someone else? Okay so this should be self-explanatory, but attached exes can reek havoc on our already insane lives.
4. Were you the perceived issue that ended the relationship? If the answer is yes, are you prepared to rehash old trash. While they may have forgiven you old grudges die hard. They may not be looking to pay you back but they may not overlook petty annoyances. And you may even owe them an apology you’re not ready to give them.

The Boomerang Effect can be innocent. Just a few texts reminiscing about old times. A wellness check to make sure your still among the living. Or an opportunity to continue something that was not finished in the first go round, but the motivation on your part needs to be pure and void of expectation that this time it’ll be different because it mostly likely will be more of the same.