Without realizing it, I had forgotten that after my divorce was final in a few months, I would finally be single. I would no longer have to check married or separated on forms anymore. I wouldn’t sit in the doctor’s office thinking, “If I critically ill today, he can say what happens to my world.” Finally, the little black cloud with my ex’s name on would stop following me around just to remind me it could rain on my parade if it wanted to.Continue reading
The biggest lie ever told us it takes two to be in love. This is unequivocally false. You can fall in love every moment of every day but you can not create a relationship on our own.Continue reading
-the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions.
This began as a thought about political discourse in this country. Then I begun to explore that idea in the larger society. Thinking about societal norms are changing and perhaps not for the better.Continue reading
You could ask my heart,
But like a jigsaw puzzle, it’s been torn all apartNodody Knows ~ Tony Rich Project
It was a causal thing that he and I had. It was never meant to be serious or have a name. But it doesn’t mean my heart didn’t shatter into a thousand pieces when I found out how he’d been lying to me for three years.
They say that God works in mysterious ways. I have to say, I think I finally understand it more than I ever did before. My ‘support’ on filing day ended up being the very man who would have me listening to break up songs on repeat. I never thought that letting go of him would turn me into a puddle of emotions.
The day of my filing, my friend was there. He and I had something between friends and a full-fledge relationship. Every time we got close to defining what we had, he would switch course. I should have run away the first time it happened, but I was confident that some day he would have as much invested in me as I did in him. (This is the very thing I warn my friends about believing.)
I sat down next to the self-help center and looked across the hall because I could hear the faintest chuckle. There he was. Sitting on the bench giggling at me and shaking his head. I walked over and took a seat next to him. I asked why he was there. He was veiled in his response , but as my usual course of action, I didn’t press. I told him that I was there for the divorce workshop. After a few minutes, he told me that he was there for the same. It seemed weird we hadn’t spoken of this before since we speak almost daily. I was taken back. I didn’t even know that he was married. I didn’t ask who he married he just offered up his daughter’s mother’s name as his wife. I didn’t know what to say. I mean, it was all new information for me. But still, I was glad he was there. Had he not been there, I am not sure I would have made it across the threshold into the classroom to work on the divorce paperwork. My knees literally buckled at one point. He was behind me and just kept me moving.
What happened next was either divine intervention or pure curiosity. We had both dropped our paperwork in the after hours drop box to have them recorded at the courthouse later as the intake windows closed an hour prior. A few days later I check for my filing number and then checked for his. I check for his to give him a head’s up it was recorded. I mean the excitement of it being real was eating me up. I imagined he felt the same, but the shock came when I saw the respondent’s name to his divorce. It wasn’t his daughter’s mom. It was the name of the ex that had come up every time things between us became serious.
There were options. I could just ignore it or I could confront him with what I knew. I chose the latter. He begun explaining with ‘I’m sorry, but I didn’t want anyone in my business’. Was he for real? He’d been in my house, in my bed and part of my child’s life for three years. How was I already not part of his business. Then he said the one thing that could hurt me, “My daughter doesn’t know I’m married”. The tears broke the dam. What kind of man lies to his child? Even a lie of omission is a lie to me when it comes to children. How was the omission to protect her. It was about his ego. All of it was about his ego. She and I meant so little that honesty was something he didn’t believe we deserved. And so, it ended. I told him I was done with him.
The problem now is getting over him. We were friends for three years. A little piece of my heart will always be with him, but the lies are too much to bear. No looking back in the rearview.
The first time I heard his voice, it felt like home, the accent of Long Island in a deep tenor. He knew the lexicon that others in my life couldn’t understand. He was college educated and was a man making his own way in his career. He was attentive and always let me know he was thinking of me. I couldn’t have felt more special if I was actually living one of those story book romances. It made me question if I had always been looking in the wrong places for the quality of man I wanted. We quickly planned to meet for a date on a Saturday.Continue reading
It’s been over 7 years since I walked out of our house in suburban Denver. There was so much sadness in the moment we said goodbye. But there was some jubilation in the fact that I was free from the lies and deception that had followed me in the five years I lived with him.
Caution: Trigger warning. Honest dialog about sexual assault.
Just south of San Luis Obispo, there is a stretch of beach for the family who likes to rough it and ride ATVs.
This Labor Day weekend. Friends and I took off to Pismo for family camping. It’s become a bit of a tradition. We load up our trucks and SUVs and head for the Oceano Dunes SVRA.
We arrived Friday night in the dark. This made it hard to find our campsite buddies because every inch of the beach was roped off into campsites and the mile markers weren’t visible. And this first thing I did was manage to be looking for our campsite and get my little Rav4 stuck in the sand. Luckily, I had lodge myself in the sand less than 1/10 of a mile from my campsite. I was rescued by my group and towed into the campsite. (The joys of shifting sand.)
I was thankful for my instant tent because it literally only took 3 minutes to set up with the expert assistance of my 10 year old niece. It allowed me to get my double cot up in a jiffy and set up my latrine in mere minutes. I was able to get out and enjoy pizza with my family friends.
The first night ended peacefully despite the bumpy start. Around noon Saturday, the excitement started. A wind storm begun that gusted for about a five hours. After fighting the good fight, a sand and wind facial, I sought refuge in my car and had a nice nap. My tent became a victim of the winds. The elbow broke and the tent collapsed. Not to mention, my personal camp toilet turned over. Thankfully the contents of the toilet was only the wet stuff.
That evening, the men had packed duck tape. They patched up the elbow so I could make it through the weekend.
The weekend ended in happiness though. We were able to deep fry a turkey. Have a Friendsgiving at the end of summer. The kids got to ride an ATV in the safety of our roped off campsite. The dogs got to rome around and check out the sand. We had nightly campfires. Played music as loud as we wanted. Watched fireworks courtesy of our neighbors. Made campfire S’mores (recipe coming soon). And generally enjoyed ourselves.
About Oceano Dunes SVRA:
Primitive campsites: no assigned spots, no showers and port-a-potties.
Reservations are recommended. Cost is approximately $10 a day.
ATV rentals are available and there is day time access passes available most of the time
Windstorms can be fierce. Parking your vehicle behind your tent can help.
RVs are allowed. Check length restrictions.
4 wheel drive is recommended. It helps, but isn’t fool proof. Remember to air down your tires for added traction.
Nights can be cold. Remember your warm PJs.
Don’t expect to hear the waves at night! You’re more likely to hear the humming of ATVs.
Be kind to your neighbors. People are pretty neighborly and helpful when you get stuck! I learned that the hard way both times I’ve been in Pismo.
I’m not an ageist! But I am going to need men over 40 to stop being so boring. Hitting 40 definitely changes things. You are comfortable in your skin but you deal with not being young and the aging process in front of you. You’re in the middle of your professional life. But everything about middle-aged men feels middle.
Many years ago, when I started using ride share apps, I felt a twinge of guilt not calling a taxi. There was two reasons at that time I didn’t want a taxi. The first is that they were never where I needed one when I needed one, and I didn’t want to talk to a dispatcher. The second was they didn’t take credit cards. By this time, I had relented and stopped carrying cash. So a taxi just became inconvenient. So, the move to ride sharing was easy.