It occurred to me watching Carly Corinthos Jax chatting with her ex and now current love interest, that I hadn’t seen her youngest in a while.  The adorable blonde tween cherub with the bad attitude hasn’t been seen since summer.  Her two adult boys however have burning hot storylines.

I came to an awesome conclusion!  Soap moms only have adult children.  Their kids are otherwise invisible.

Carly hasn’t ever looked like she has broken a sweat trying to fold up the newest fangled stroller while balancing her 20 pound nine month old on her knee.  That’s probably because she had a nanny, but don’t nanny’s take a day off? Even post part depression didn’t stop her from applying makeup.  Sure, she handed her newborn son off to Jason and took off for a few weeks, but, she looked damn good doing it.

I have never once heard her complain about how her toddler won’t let her go to the bathroom alone. She looks showered and perfectly coifed.  I haven’t seen her stylist once and her roots never show.

Her Petri dishes don’t bring home the chicken pox or even a cold.  But I guess having one of your kids shot in the head and put into a coma makes up for not having to wipe snotty noses. But honestly, she only sat at his bedside for a soap week and then he came back as a teenager.  Score!  No nasty hospital bills to pay!

And dating is so simple.  She decides she’s going to stay with the love du jour and she has no one to call and make arrangements.  I don’t see her angst about not shaving her legs or having stray facial hairs to pluck!  She just rolls out of the house confident that she looks good. And the men, never give her the cross eye, they just tell her how good she looks!

Parenting on the soap operas comes absolute autonomy from your kids unless there is a custody battle or the semi-yearly crisis. You only need to be a crisis control mom.  No boring daily interactions.  Just a time of angst, resolution and a lot of affection because you Soap Mom are awesome!