The Death Talk

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Recently, I told my daughter that her Great Uncle Kenny would have loved her.  She embodies his favorite things. She is full of joy, always singing and dancing and marching to the beat of her own drummer. It amazes me how very compassionate this small human is. Sometimes I worry she is too good for this world as well. 

Kenny was taken away from our family at the age of 35. His death has rippled through our family for nearly 20 years and still causes tears.  

Telling my daughter that Kenny would have loved her brought a smile to my face but quickly became a talk I dreaded. 

O said, “Can we go see him?”

I said, “No.”

O said, “We can go to his house.”

“No, we really can’t, baby. He no longer lives here on earth. He’s with God in heaven.” I said, choking back tears. 

“Oh. Why he there?” She said. 

“He died long ago, O. But mommy still loves him very much. I wish he got a chance to love you like I love you.”

Death talks are never fun. My daughter has been to three funerals in her three years. I know she still doesn’t understand the permenant nature of death, but I hope I’ve equipped her well. 

How would you have the death talk with a toddler?

Childhood & Junk Food Don’t Mix

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Parents have a lot to think about when deciding what to have for snack, but now, a study of prenatal and postnatal development of children exposed to high levels of junk food has shown that junk food affects your child’s behavior.

We all know giving our children too much sugar is bad, but did you know you may be affecting your child’s mental health as well.
The study was conducted among a large Norwegian mother and child cohort. The study followed nutrition data during the mothers’ pregnancies and the offspring when they were 6 months and 1.5, 3, and 5 years of age. 

Researchers found that women who had more unhealthy foods than average in their diets had children with more behavioral problems. More over children who did not have nutrient-rich foods in their early childhood had more internalized problems such as anxiety and depression.

This novel data shows that beyond the increased physical health risk such as obesity and diabetes an unhealthy diet in early child affects a child’s mental health as well.

Fit to Date?

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With Valentines Day rapidly approaching, like Cupid on a galloping horse, it’s time to evaluate our fitness to date.  

  1. Do you still harbor feelings for you ex? Not the passing, “I wish it had worked out” feelings, but a yearning to be with them. 
  2. Do you have deep feelings of resentment toward your ex? If you haven’t forgiven them enough to only passingly want them to step in front of a train, you probably resent them too much. 
  3. Are you unwilling to compromise anything in your life? Not your morals or beliefs but do you like your routine and hobbies that you’re not open to changing to accommodate someone else’s in your life. 
  4. Are your kids an excuse not to date? Yes, we must consider our children when dating. Chose our dates more carefully. But not being open to dating because we have children just provides a comfortable and more socially acceptable reason not to date. 
  5. You’re more worried about what friends and family will think of your date than you are about how you feel about your date. While our friends and family play a huge rule in our lives, sometimes their opinions do more to harm then help us when we’re dating. So take their commentary and advice with a grain of salt. 

If one or more of these apply to you, then you’re probably not ready to date. The most important thing to remember is that you won’t always be opposed to dating. 

Taking the necessary time to ensure that you are the best person to offer a potential partner while maintaining your inner greatness is doing yourself and everyone else a favor. It may feel selfish at the time, but you will be glad you did it.”

Breastfeeding Wasn’t a Choice

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The saying goes, “Failure is not an option.” That was my reality when my daughter was born.

My former spouse and I were estranged at the time. I had “run away” to save my pregnancy.  Living with him would have probably ended badly so I made the hardest decision of my life and moved back to my mother’s home. 

I struggled to make ends meet working a security job until my seventh month of pregnancy.  There was no savings for me to tap into so when Miss O was born, I had to think about the economically sound ways to make sure she was provided for. 

The first decision was to breastfeed. I had bottles I recieved as shower gifts but formula was $25 a can. Even if I could go back to work part time, I wouldn’t be able to afford it. So I figured if I fed myself, I could feed my daughter. 

The struggle started hours after she was born. She couldn’t latch. No matter what I tried, latching wasn’t happening. I wanted to cry.  Not only because she wasn’t latching, but because my boobs hurt from all the milk accumulation. 

Thank God after nearly a two days of torture for O and I, they allowed me to start pumping a feeding by finger feeding her. 

They made me give her formula when test revealed she was jaundiced. I was angry when they made me use formula. I had expressed to anyone who would listen that she wasn’t getting much milk.  But no one seemed to be concerned but myself. And I felt had they allowed me to pump for her earlier maybe she would not have been jaundiced.  

O hated bottles. I battled for a week in the hospital and then at home to get her to latch. And even after she latched, I was a lactation machine (read: cow) so I had to go to a lactation group to get support and learn more about breastfeeding. With the support of the nurse at the breastfeeding support group I was successful at breastfeeding well past the point that formula would be necessary for nutrition for my daughter. 

With all that said, breastfeeding was a choice I made. I was fortunate to be extremely successful at it.  My cohort of friends had three newborns within weeks of each other and I was the only one to continue to breastfeed.  I listened to their trials and suggested tips to help them but they didn’t have the same experience but I applaud them for trying.  

I Need a Sick Day

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I hate those DayQuil/NyQuil commercials telling me that moms and dads don’t get sick days.  Why the heck not?

I am a firm believer that we should be awarded sick days because our children are Petri dishes of sickness. What kills me is they get the sniffles and we get laryngitis. 

So yes, we parents deserve sick days.  And on those sick days, we have the right to ship our kids off to slumber parties, grandparents or babysitters.  And we shouldn’t have to pay for this right. It should be something that is free. 

So stop telling me I don’t need a sick day Mr. Ad man!  I will have my sick day! 

Photo courtesy of Pixabay.