The first time I heard his voice, it felt like home, the accent of Long Island in a deep tenor. He knew the lexicon that others in my life couldn’t understand. He was college educated and was a man making his own way in his career. He was attentive and always let me know he was thinking of me. I couldn’t have felt more special if I was actually living one of those story book romances. It made me question if I had always been looking in the wrong places for the quality of man I wanted. We quickly planned to meet for a date on a Saturday.
That Saturday, we agree to meet at a local supermarket parking lot.I get out and he says, “You look better than you did in your pictures.” I thank him as he opens my passenger door for me to get in. I climb in, the Heart & Soul channel playing softly in the background as we discuss where we are going to the movies. We choose a theater. We were running too late to go to the theater we chose so we were going to have to drive to another theater. So, we drove and chatted to the next theater. Our conversation was still flowing easily. I didn’t do my periodic phone check that I do when someone isn’t quite holding my attention.
We parked waiting at the movie theater and he used his phone to pre-purchase our seats. He showed me his phone to let me choose the seats. The phone buzzed. “New Message POF”. “Okay,” I thought, “This is our first date and we all talk to a few people before we find our right now matches. And just as I finished my thought, another gentle buzz with the same message. I shook it off and put in the back of my mind. We headed to a nearby store to get refreshments to sneak into the theater. This always scores points with me. I’m all about saving money.
In line at the grocery store, he began standing very near to me as though we were a couple. It was uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel like it was where we should be at the early stage. I remember him saying he was affectionate, but this was bordering on too much. Still I say nothing because I know I have problems with physical affection and can be way too standoffish.
We head over to the theater. Grab popcorn and then grab our seats. We hold hands through the first half of the movie. It is comfortable, but a little to familiar for me to be totally at ease. Luckily the movie is quiet entertaining so it is a welcome distraction from the “date”.
Afterwards, we both realize we are hungry and hop back into the car to get something to eat. He wants to drive into San Francisco to grab a bite. I am down with it. I mean, I still enjoy his conversation and his company even if the familiarity is a bit too much. We start talking about my summer travel plans and he tells me traveling alone is what single girls do. Told me we needed to change that plan. Excuse me, we just met. We continue to head into the city and over to the Mission district. We pick a taqueria on 19th and Mission. It’s packed, but when the food arrives I am disappointed in it’s quality but nothing ventured nothing gained. At least now I know which taqueria to avoid when I am looking for lunch options at work. He was still chatting with me and enjoying his food, but I could tell we were both getting a little tired.
We got back in the car and started the trek back to my car. In the car there was an incoming call. I thought nothing of it because of the industry he was in, a late night call wasn’t surprising. It was when he said, “I don’t know who that is.” Another alarm went off in my head. Why the defense if I hadn’t asked. Immediately following was a text message. He didn’t know I saw “WYD?” flash across his screen from what appeared to be the same number. It was 2:00 am. You know what I’m thinking, “Booty Call”. We finally get back to my car and part with a kiss.
I don’t know what possessed me to keep seeing him over the next three weeks. He started getting more distant. But still seemed interested, but then he starts talking about me having his baby. “Hold up! What?” That’s all I kept saying to him in different versions. I understand he waited most of his life to figure out he wanted a family but I have a child. And I am 40-something years old! You gotta be joking, son! I can barely get you to return a phone call or a text and you’re talking about babies? What alternate universe am I living in? You’ve been complimenting my mothering skills which I appreciate, but I am no one’s baby momma. We haven’t passed dating status. Something is all out of whack. It became the final straw. I confronted him about the messages and the calls. He sort of boasted about getting a lot of attention on social dating and media. I couldn’t handle it. A few days later. I texted him and said I thought we both deserved better matches and wished him well before blocking his number.
What would you have done in this situation?
oh my goodness girl- i would have freaked out if he was saying too that he wanted to have a baby esp for not knowing one another that long! you did the right thing in saying maybe you should see other people!
Thanks. It was a surreal few weeks.
I would’ve done the exact same thing! He was trying to move to fast, for both of you. He’s playing games and he needs to figure out what it is exactly he’s looking for.
Agreed. Games are worse than being a straight-up jerk!
Wow! So sorry this happened to you – crazy!
Sorry, you had to go through that…. red flags were going off in your head on the first date…. end it then if that happens again – that would be what I would do.
That’s sound advice. I should have listened to that voice in my head.
I hope I would have done the same thing as you!! You seem like you handled everything perfectly even when he broke out the “have my baby” line! LOL!! Men…ugh
Yea it was if he thought he was giving me some great gift.?!