The biggest lie ever told us it takes two to be in love. This is unequivocally false. You can fall in love every moment of every day but you can not create a relationship on our own.
This post is really for me. I fall in love at the speed of light. I have an open heart and a forgiving spirit. These things make me a delightful person but the also make me a mark for those who don’t have the best intentions when it comes to romantic relationships.
Are You Ready to Date?
This may seem like an odd question to ask when talking about love, but I assure you it isn’t. There are times in our lives when we can unequivocally say we are not ready to date due to a myriad of reasons like a recent breakup. What happens when you haven’t dated in a while, have no breakup heartache, but still feel wary of dating?
This is one indication that we are not ready to date. Some hesitation is normal, but when we can’t imagine compromising our time or our routine to add someone to our life. We should probably step back and reevaluate whether dating is going to work for us. And if we can’t date, then how can the right person reach our heart and mind to love us?
What Are Your Deal Breakers?
Deal breakers is a popular buzz phrase, but they are valuable to know. Deal breakers represent our most important needs. If we look at deal breakers as things that don’t meet our needs, they become a far less negative in nature.
For example: Does your mate need to have a car less than 5 years old? Is that a need or a want. Would you not see their potential if their car is too old?
This isn’t meant to be a trick question. We all want certain qualities in a mate. We must learn to focus on the qualities that make our relationship endure the test of age.
What Do You Need From Your Significant Other to Feel Valued?
This is important. How do you know that your mate values you? Do you feel slighted when you put out effort to be thoughtful and there is no thank you at the end? Again, with this question there is no right or wrong answer. Just the answer that works for you.
One of the best books written about our values in a love relationship is
5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
Knowing how we like to receive love can be just as important as being loved itself.
You Deserve the Truth
Lying whether it’s a plain lie, little white lie or a lie of omission: All lies have the potential to be damaging.
Deception is one of the quickest relationship killers. Whether it’s keeping secrets from your significant other or telling a little lie to avoid explaining the whole truth. Everyone deserves to be with someone who doesn’t use deception as their modus operandi.
You Deserve Respect
When people believe that respect has to be earned, it’s an indication that they either have high emotional needs or the use their respect to manipulate a relationship. Mutual respect should be given and expected not earned.
You do not have to accept someone who calls you out of your given name. Oppressive language is damaging. No matter what you’ve “done” we are all human and fallible. This doesn’t mean we should be hurt mentally.
It goes without saying that no one should put their hands on you. Physical violence is never a way to solve an issue by either party. It’s also simply illegal.
Remembering that you deserve respect in all aspects of your life is important. We often take disrespect because we’ve messed up in one way or the other and believe we deserve punishment. But that’s a false narrative guilt scripts for you.
We all deserve to have a rich love in our life. One that is uplifting and not spirit zapping. Sure, every relationship has its share of adversity but there are basic tenets that should exist in every relationship. When you and your partner can not come to agreement over what those are, it could be time to move on.
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I recently wrote a similar post about love and find it interesting that people don’t realize that different people need different things to feel valued. Love languages are real and we each have our own. To have a successful relationship we have to be willing to understand the other persons needs and wants!
It’s amazing the things we miss when finding love that lasts.
I haven’t been on a date in almost a year and I’m loving my single life. I briefly dated a guy last year but decided not to move forward because I didn’t feel like he respected my boundaries. We all need to know our worth and not settle for less.
Agreed. Valuing ourselves is very important.