No, thank you, Sir! While you focus on your filet mignon, I don’t need to be your potato waiting to be buttered. I am worth far more than to be seen as the lumpy, starchy side dish that you pay attention to only after the main dish has been consumed.
I’m starting to believe Facebook may be a form of torture. Recently, I was contacted by someone else from my past. Of course, I should be wary. I was just burned by a man in my past, but this man was a friend from the past. I really had never considered seriously having a relationship with this fella.
The Facebook Messenger conversation started with the ever genial phrasing, “I’ve been looking for you for years!” And on my part, it was honest and heartfelt. He’d been there for me when things fell apart over the course of my friendship. I think I kind of remember a crush he had on me and that we hooked up once, but I suppose in my head, it was a hookup because of the old adage that men and women can’t be only friends.
With my eternal optimistic personality, I figured that this was the rekindling of a long lost friendship. We talked every evening for a few days when it happened. He asked me if I remembered that time!
“Which time is ‘that time’?”
We’d spent many days in class together or roaming the halls before and after classes. I couldn’t pinpoint ‘that time”. In fact, I couldn’t remember much of what transpired in the years we’d been in school together.
My cluelessness was met with, “I guess it wasn’t important enough for you to remember.”
The right thing to do at that point would have been for me to say, “Ok, Stone, it was good talking to you again, but I have to run. My child just set herself on fire.”
Of course, that wasn’t what I said. I was shocked that he’d ask for something like this after his 20 some year absence in my life. I guess I was curious if he had feelings for me back then. I thought he had long since gotten over his initial crush on me, and moved on to crushing on my other friend. But based on this conversation, I was obviously clueless.
He didn’t really answer. He just skated around the question. I wonder why he brought it up since he had been quick to talk about his girlfriend early in our first conversations. I thought nothing of it. I tend to have many male friends. Except, the day after our ‘that time’ conversation he asks me to the hot tubs.
I couldn’t believe he was asking me. Heck, I like to relax as much as the next chick, but are you actually asking me to be your side chick? Of course, I clearly asked him as the next question why he wanted to go to the hot tubs if he had a girlfriend. And she quickly became a non-factor, at least, in his mind. He told me we could just go and see what happens.
Are you serious? I didn’t answer him straight out, but told him that going to the hot tubs would probably not result in actions either of us should be engaged in given our situations. I don’t know why I didn’t tell him that I don’t do “side chick”. I am the filet mignon with potatoes and a fine glass of cabernet all in one. I am the complete package. There was no way I was going to allow myself to be devalued & disrespected, if not cheapened in that manner. Despite my wanting to have my friend back, we obviously were coming at each other on two different planes. And to step out on his girlfriend like that just makes me wonder if he’s doing it to her what’s to stop him from doing me like that?
Plus, I don’t think I even know how to do side chick. Maybe I did once upon a blue moon, but wisdom has taught me that I need to be an all or nothing package.