My BFF and her husband frequent a local steakhouse. The steakhouse is near Silicon Valley and is chock full of tech workers and auto execs. There is a guy named Duke*, who used to crush hard on my best friend. She had already chosen her husband, but Duke didn’t know.
New Years’ Eve two years ago, Duke decided he would talk to me for a while. I think to his surprise he found me interesting. Smart, even. We talked for a few hours and he packed it in before midnight.
Yes, he’s attractive and interesting to me, but has way too many rules. That and he doesn’t do “plus-sized” ladies. (No, I am not offended. It just so happens, I am plus-sized.)
Let me set the scene from this weekend. Duke comes in and asks, “Is this seat taken?”
I say, “No.”
He sits and asks how I am doing. I respond that I am fine, but explain that he pissed me off at Halloween.
He looks dumbstruck!
I explain that I sent the pictures we took together that night to him and he never responded to my texts. I told him that it was rude to not even say “Thank you.” Then I think “Oops, maybe I shouldn’t have said a word.”
He apologizes saying he didn’t realize that it required a response. I tell him it would have just been polite.
Then we started our usual game. Exchanging phones and swiping each others Tinder matches. He is shocked how many men match with me and how none of the women are interested in him, so I start reading his profile. He talks about what a nice, kind and considerate man he is. Which I can attest to, he is pretty awesome. But then I see it, “no kids.” Furthermore, he states he has never wanted to be a dad and doesn’t date women with kids.
I look at him and roll my eyes. “Dude, you’re in your 40’s. This is an almost impossible profile to match.”
He looks at me puzzled and I explain his expectations are kind of unrealistic. I take him back to his first major blunder, where he explained moms have stretched out yoo-hoos! Yes, he actually said that. I told him that wasn’t the problem. I asked him what the real deal was. He said he’s just not a fan of children and he doesn’t want any.
I ask “What if you fall in love with the woman and her kid(s)?”
This seemed so foreign to him. I told him that he should be dating a woman, not a woman and her kids. Creating a bond with the woman should be most important and if the woman thrusts children into the picture too early, I understand why that would be an issue. No one wants to be an instant parent, but the woman he’s been searching for hasn’t surfaced so maybe it was time for him to change his approach.
By the end of the night, I made him promise to try dating a woman with one kid. We’ll see if it happens. He’s as stubborn as I am, but I am looking forward to hearing about his progress.