My lady friends and I used to have our annual “I Hate Men!” party for Valentine’s Day, but these days, few of us are single. So this year, we opted to just get together, party and leave the kids at home on Valentine’s Eve.  Here’s a glimpse into what ladies really talk about when left alone with copious bottles of wine and good friends:

Warning foul mouths ahead

“When I was nine months pregnant, I sat on an exercise ball and popped that shit.”

“Taking a good shit is almost as good as an orgasm.”

“Tits are for getting drinks-not giving drinks.”

“I’m hairier since I had children.”

“Don’t take your weave out with a seam ripper.”

“The second one messed my stuff up. I’ve been doing my kagels everyday!”

“I think I have beard hair popping out of my chest.”

“Don’t suck on boys penises because then people will call you a cocksucker.”